133rd.

Now I don't feel like seeing you anymore when you get back here. Tapi sik bulak la that half of me memang masih maok jumpa you. Entah lah weh, sometimes I don't get me, myself. I seriously do not know what I want. I am that indecisive. Tok la polah aku sik sabar2 nak larikan dirik ke bumi Melbourne tok.

I DON'T WHY WHEN IT COMES TO YOU, AKU NANG SIK PANDEY MAKAN SAMAN???!!!

On the other hand, I met him again today. Shiioohhh ensem abisss!! I am THIS CLOSE to cair nangga nya oih! It's undeniable that nya memang ensem, good looking abis. Had to keep on reminding myself kenak aku reject nya dolok. Did I made the right decision?? Bwahahaha.

Kenak la aku critical thinker gilak? Sometimes I feel like slapping myself. Ndak alah2 emo jak2 eh. :/

132nd.

Aku kes bosan ni semuaaa aku dah join ni haaaa! FB, blogspot, tumblr, twitter. Friendster ajak di delete. LOLLL.

There are so many things that I need to settle before Melbourne comes. One of them is 2008. Mesti settle mesti settle mesti settle!! Sebab aku malas mok bawakkk problem msia ke melbourne!!

Kenak life mesti complicated gilak? Tapi di kuching aku rasa aku sikda life. :/

123rd.

Dear me,

Why are you so malas? Why can't you get your ass off and start doing your assignments/revisions/tutorials? What is wrong with you? Has it got into your empty head that you really need to get good results for this sem, as you are transferring to the Melbourne campus for next sem? And can you please stop thinking about new clothes? Have you forgotten that you have spent a lot on them earlier this month? Masih belum cukup lagi ker?? And why are you so bitter? What's up with the emo-ness everyday? Stop being depressed, you need to take a chill pill, and by taking a chill pill I don't mean shopping. You seriously need to stop shopping. Save up for Melbourne la wey! And seriously, you need to belajar moreee. You know that all of your subjects this sem semua susah2 kan??

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???

$^%$&%&

So sick and tired of Kch. Can't wait to get my ass over to Melbourne!!

BABI.

I'm seriously disgusted with my cousin's boyfriend. Who did he think he is, and what right does he have to ask me stupid pervert questions?? By stupid pervert questions, I mean: "WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BOOBS?", or "DO YOU SLEEP NAKED OR WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON?", or "DO YOU TAKE YOUR SHOWER NAKED OR BERKEMBAN?" etc etc etc.

PFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Like seriously, he is my cousin's boyfriend. I barely even know this guy. Only met him a few times during family gatherings, what more to say of me having any proper conversations with him?

And it so happens that he was in my friend list and he came up chatting with me in FB chat. I tegur balik lah, just for the sake of being nice to my cousin's bf. After all, if all things turned out quite well, someday he's gonna be married to my cousin and be a part of my family, no? But little did I know he had the nerve to ask me all of that disgusting questions.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you have no idea how mad I am right now.

I FEEL LIKE KILLING THAT BASTARD. MACAM CILAKAAAAAAAAAA!! YOU THINK I HAVE NO DIGNITY IZZIT? DOESN'T MEAN I WEAR SEXY CLOTHES, I AM CHEAP. STUPID TYPICAL MALAY GUYS. UGHHHHH. MACAM PUKIMAK LANCAU LAHANAT. MEMANG BOLEH PEGI MATI LAHHH!!

UGHH what a fuckthup year, and what a way to end it...kwai tien 2010!!

96th.

This thing between us has been repeating 3 times and we still get the same ending. You are a coward for coming back to me and then running away from me, again and again and again, leaving me devastated, clueless and torn. And I am a fool for welcoming you with an open arms, each and every time you came back. And the saying goes "shame on you if you fool me once, but shame on me if you fooled me twice". But if it's the third time, then who's to blame? I'm tired. I had enough of playing and guessing. I know this is not gonna be easy, but who am I to complain coz I am the one who got myself into this mess. I admit that I do miss you and the thoughts of you are always with me even if I tried so hard to focus on other things other than you. How I wished that things were easier between us, coz sometimes I do envy others, coz they seem to make it easy, but why not us? But it's okay. At least it comforts my soul to know that one day I'm gonna be fine and happy again. With or without you.

94th.

GUYS ARE SUCH ASSHOLES.

OOOOH TRUST ME, COZ I KNEW ONE.

87th.

I am so geram!!!

Just when I'm about to go to gym (already clad in my gym attire and all) :

-I got my bloody period. It came out one week early. Pffftttt!!
-Dad called me asking me to send my brother to school at 5 for his solat hajat event.

And I'll be officially carless from tomorrow onwards. Dad's car was sent to the workshop earlier on today. Good thing is that I don't have any classes until Monday. But am still wondering how am I gonna go to work this Saturday....

Please Forgive Me, Kitty. ;-(

Last night's MSN conversation:-

roarrr! says:
tiang i gtg
byeeee
*offline message*
leslie says:
eh sorry was afk
lol
ok bb
*one hour later*
roarr! says:
leslie i just hit a cat T.T
what a soi week!
huhuhu
leslie says:
oh man
so careless
roarrr! says:
the cat was running down the road
main kejar2 with another cat
leslie says:
oh cat
i tot car
lol
read wrongly
roarrr! says:
i tidak sengaja ba :(
eeeeeeeee
apa pulak car
leslie says:
see wrong bah
lol
roarrr! says:
thank god the cat is still alive (i guess?)
coz i checked back, i din c any mayat or anythg nearby
leslie:
still alive?
u run over it and its not dead ka?
roarrr! says:
i tidak pijak it with my tayar
i think the body kena my front spoiler or sth
it suddenly came out running from nowhere
stillllll i feel bad :(
leslie says:
hahaha
goodness
black cat ka?
roarrr! says:
nooooooo
grey and whiteee
lol
leslie says:
luckily not black cat
lol
hahaha

x

Too lazy to blog, so that explains the pasted msn conversation above. LOL. :p

Dear Kitty, I am deeply sorry for hitting you. I really really hope that you're unhurt and still alive out there, coz when I turned back around to check up on you, I didn't see you (or your corpse), and there's neither any traces of blood too. I'm really sorry, Kitty. This apologies comes deep within my heart. I would do anything to turn back the time, coz I feel so bad right now. :(

Forgive me, God. :(

Words of Comfort.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine. Things like these do happens. Everything's gonna be okay soon. You don't have to worry so much k? It's okay to feel guilty. It'll pass" - Roshan Despande a.k.a botak a.k.a tambi a.k.a singh.

"Babe, relax. I understand how you feel. Cheer up, k? It's only a matter of experience. You wouldn't know, until you experienced it yourself. Take it in a positive way la. I know you can do it. Ola bah!" - Vivien De Rozario, my newest partner in crime.

"Nah it's alright la. Nothing much you can do also. Sorry can't help much. Look at the bright side, at least you didn't get injured. It's alright la. Try lighten up abit" - Leslie Jong a.k.a tiang a.k.a tinggi a.k.a the guy up there.

"You know I'm always there for you, eventho I'm not physically there. Mun mek ada di kuching, dah lamak mek agak kitak. Don't worry, babe, everything's gonna be fine. Don't think too much. Just focus on your finals" - Amira Saryati, my person (inspired from Grey's).

"There's always a first time eh? And you know what they say, you can never forget your very first. LOL" - Jason John, the cute budak kecik.

From this moment, I'll hang on to these words. Sorry la, I feel so emo right now, after what had happened. Oh ya, courtesy to facebook for the stolen pics. :P

62nd.

I've been having stupid dreams lately.

And all of the dreams were related to my car.

First, I dreamed that I've gotten into a road accident. Second, it was stolen. Third, my dad sold it to someone else? :O

GAHHHHHHHHH!!!

How can it not be any more depressing than this?????

I know I've been thinking too much lately. Maybe a lil bit too much. That's why I've been trying to keep myself busy, so that I wouldn't even have time to allow myself to think of unnecessary stuffs. Dah lah final exam is getting nearer. Sigh this is soooooo not happening to me! Thank you God, for all of the assignments and tests hoo haas are finally over and done! Now, I really really need to catch up on my FIS. Heaven forbid, I don't wanna flunk, especially on that subject!! :O

Regardless of all the pressures and stress in me, at least I had fun lah last night. :D Many thanks to Vanessa for treating us dinner!!

Oh ya, pics stolen from Mui Sing's facebook. xD

And of course, my fav photo of the night!! :D

I shall miss this class!!

Oh, curious enough to know the reason behind all of the delicious dinner treat? You can read all about it here. I'm so proud wey!! :)

28th.

Updated as of 15 February 2009:

It scares the hell out of me at times when I can't seem to remember how it feels like to be happy anymore. Some say I am bitter, that my heart is stone cold. But then again I find it very easy to give love to others, and yet it is so difficult to give some to myself at times.

The burden in my heart is unbearable enough that I can't help but teared in the middle of a wedding receiption last night. It has been a while since I last cried, and it suprised me how easily tears flowed from my eyes. I never regreted this one decision that I'd made, not even once. I'd do anything, anything to make things go back to the way it is. Just like before, right before all this mess even started.

But things do happen for a reason. Sounds cliche, but it's true. Dinah actually cried when she first heard of what I have to go through rite now, and that she is trully sorry that I have to face this alone. But I told her it is foolish for her to cry, because it is not even her fault to begin with.

"Tapi cerite you ni menusuk pepek betol laa!"

"Oii aku cucok pepek ko btol2 baru kau tauu!"

"Jangannn aku takkk lesbiaan!"

-.-

"Heheh saje je nak cheer you up!"

Okay so maybe I have lost my earlier plot. :p

But what I'm trying to say is that I am trully deeply sorry and this came deep straight from my heart...

14th.

This green-eyed monster in me is driving me NUTS!!

I shouldn't have googled. And now look at what have I got myself into! :'(

Arrgghhh stupid stupid stupid.

Great.

Just GREAT.

Seriously I feel like shit right now.

Boo freaking hoo.

7th Lucky Number?

First of all, merry xmas everyone!

Ohh and do ignore the A Lot Like love post down below, it means nothing anyway. ;) Well today is my off day, obviously. Am chilling at home now, just onlining, before heading out for xmas visiting! Even though I am not officially celebrating xmas, but this festive season this year seems a bit too quiet from my observation, compared to last year's. Traffic jams were like almost everywhere here in Kch during xmas eve last night, but I'm just guessing prolly it's because people are heading off to church.

My work shift ended early last night at 7 pm, because it was xmas eve. It was still early at that time but then again I don't feel like going home just yet, so I met up with Amal at her house for a while to sort out today's plan. Then I went to pick up Afiq at his house and we went joyriding for almost 2 hours, aimlessly wandering in and out of town because we were bored, like that. -.-"

On a different side of note, I don't know what have I got myself into, hurting myself like this. Yes, I am hurt, I wanted to see you so much, in fact I wanted to see you everyday, but every time I see you, I am hurt. Confuse much? Hahahaha just forget about it. I know I am wasting my time on this.

Orang yang nak dielak ya lah orang yang selalu diagak - Umang.